Friday, 26 August 2011

Secret Bettakultcha: My Men of Tomorrow Talk

I did a talk for Secret Bettakultcha recently about how scary and weird the people of the future will most likely be. I was, it should be said, less judgemental of them in the talk. I honestly believe that being human will be very different on a fundamental level in a hundred years to how it is now, though.

It's been suggested that I'm trying to cover too much ground in five minutes, so if I do another Bettakultcha talk I might scale it back a bit.

I will at some point soon put together a post containing reference materiel I used for this. For now, here's the video:

You can see my previous Bettakultcha talk - on why time travel is bad for you - through here.

Tuesday, 23 August 2011

A Zeitgeisty Holiday - Dead Island Preview

I previewed Dead Island recently over on SPOnG. Below's an extract. Through here is the full feature.

Dead Island is the zombie game you have in your head. It's the conversation you've had with your mates down the pub in which you discuss whether you'd be better off grabbing the hedge trimmer or the non-power-reliant cricket bat from the garage in the event of a zombie attack.

It's the next step after reading the Zombie Survival Guide. I like to think it's based on real events the CIA doesn't want us to know about.

Dead Island doesn't make you double-hard like Left 4 Dead or ready-qualified for zombie-fighting like Resident Evil. It doesn't make light of the fact that zombies want to eat your brains, like Dead Rising does. (Zombies trying to eat your brains, contrary to what Simon Pegg and his mates think, is NO LAUGHING MATTER).

Rather, Dead Island chucks you into a scenario in which zombies are on the rampage (or amble, depending on which zombies you encounter) on an island with a believable level of resources and an open map to go at and challenges you to survive. Fortunately, developer Techland has substituted whatever slightly shit town you're from with a tropical island resort.

Monday, 18 July 2011

Captain America Throws His Mighty Shield, Misses: Game Review

My review of Captain America: Super Soldier is alive and pouring mild scorn into the world from SPOnG. Here, have the first few words:

"The most interesting thing about my Captain America: Super Soldier 'experience' was discovering that I'm a little bit attracted to Madame Hydra, despite the fact that she's a German dominatrix with Nazi sympathies and green hair. I won't lie to you, that's a bit of a shame.

"I often feel funny about enjoying the adventures of a man who dresses (unashamedly and unironically) in an American flag. Yet, Captain America can be pretty cool. Generally speaking, he's at his best when he's criss-crossing the globe in superhero espionage stories, inspiring awe with his unflappable ability to hold steady and generally doing things such as riding fighter jets like many of us would a skateboard and jumping out of planes while telling those around him that 'parachutes are for girls'.

"Fortunately for all the uncomfortable Englishmen out there, developer Next Level doesn't bring any of those qualities to bear in Captain America: The Game of the Film of the Comic..."

More through here.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

First Dark Knight Rises Teaser Poster is Cataclysmic

This is the first teaser poster for Dark Knight Rises. Anybody remember Cataclysm? Or maybe Gotham architects aren't up to much and it's just the batmobile driving by.

(Courtesy of Empire.)

Tuesday, 10 May 2011


My Brink review is alive and on SPOnG. Have an excerpt:

"Brink might just scare the crap out of you. If you're the sort of person whose mother still dressed them until they were 12, Brink will definitely scare the crap out of you.

"...Brink isn't really separated into single- and multi-player components – at least not in the way most of us are used to. The campaign can be played either on your lonesome with the help of bots or with other humans online. Beyond the fact that humans and bots might behave a bit differently, gameplay won't be altered a jot one way or the other. And, frankly, Splash Damage has done a reasonably convincing job of making the AI behave like (often slightly thick) human players. It's a shame, though, that they couldn't manage clever human-like AI."

And here's that link again.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Outland: A Big Fat Review

 I reviewed Outland over on SPOnG. It's quite good. You should read it (please and thankyou). First two pars:

"The side-scrolling platforming genre's doing alright at the moment on the download services these days, isn't it? Between Limbo, Super Meat Boy, Sonic the Hedgehog 4 and at the very least three other games I've neglected to mention, the genre's positively glowing. Outland, another sidescroller from Ubisoft and developer Housemarque, is totally up for joining those ranks. It's positively glowing, too. Literally.

"So, you are this guy. You have to fight some gods over some stuff. To be able to do that, you have to travel around a bit and do some things. That's not really the point, though. The main hook is a colour-changing mechanism not dissimilar from what you found in Ikaruga once upon a time."

Press Release: Idris Elba in Reliant Robin Accident

This just came in over the news wires:

PRESS RELEASE - LONDON - April 28th 2011

Headline: Ham Actor Hit by High Speed Hirsute Hunk
Strap: Over-rated Thespian smashed against wall - Police seek bearded miscreant


(London: 28.04.2011) By Our Enterslayment Correspondent

Mostly over-rated actor, Idris Elba, was inexplicably smacked into a wall in North London today at 11:44hrs. Police are seeking a small car driven by a bearded, silver-haired and quite distinguished looking gentleman in his late 30s to aid them in their enquiries.

Film critics are also seeking the rather handsome driver to provide him with an award to actoring and that.

"Idris Elba will be remembered for one thing and one thing only", commented his agent today, "being taken out by a distinguished, greying gentleman with some aplomb."


Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Portal 2 Reviewed to Hell (and Back)

What? Something that's not just a cop-out trailer post? Well, actually it's just a cop-out link post, but please give it a moment anyway. It's a link to my Portal 2 review on SPOnG. I can't vouch for the quality of the review, but the game's awesome so you should give it a look. It's through here. Extract:

"Portal 2 is everything you want it to be and a little bit more. Which, actually, is probably exactly what you want it to be. Yes, it will warp your understanding of how space and geometry works, but it will make you giggle while that happens.

"If you're one of the two people I need to explain Portal 2 to: it's the follow-up to Valve's 2007 physics-based puzzler that was named, 100% appropriately, Portal. In both games, you're Chell, a test subject made to jump through an increasingly brain-scrambling array of hoops that also double up as holes in the fabric of space. Testing out a portal gun under the watchful (and double-demonic) eye of AI GLaDOS, you have to navigate various hazards and obstacles to get through test chambers and stay alive."

Here, again, is that link.

Monday, 4 April 2011

Four Minutes of Green Lantern from Wondercon

Loads more gravity than the trailer. Looks very CG-y, but I'm feeling a lot more chipper about this film than I was five minutes ago...

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Brand New Doctor Who Series 6 Trailer (is Awesome)!!!

My brain was surely not built for this kind of excitement.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Time Travel is Bad for You

I did a talk at the last Bettakultcha to 250 people on the perils of Time Travel earlier in the month. It gave me gulps. This is it:

Mark Johnson from Dave Naylor on Vimeo.